"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
