I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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