This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
