I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
