My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
