Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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