Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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