Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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