I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
