i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
