I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
