Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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