I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
