Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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