Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
