She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
