Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize