It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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