i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
