I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
