i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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