I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
