When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
