she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize