dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
