Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
