This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
