Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
