took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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