When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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