If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You are the jesus of drinking
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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