I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
