i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
