Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just invented taco cereal.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
