you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
