5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
