??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
