when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
