His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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