Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
