Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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