so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
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and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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