Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
