if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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