I think I am morally bankrupt
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
