No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
