remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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