peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it was like eating out sand paper
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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