Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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