Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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