wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
