he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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