Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
