I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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