it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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