I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
