I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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