you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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