Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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