Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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