Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
