how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
