She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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