as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
