He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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