I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
