Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
