He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
