I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
