That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
