things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
