I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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