I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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