I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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