I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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