then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
