tell your sister to shave her snatch
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
