No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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