Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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