I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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