therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
