How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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