she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
