Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
