Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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