I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
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Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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