I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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