my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
