i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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